Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
The uberlube is also flammable
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
