my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
