batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I have tasted many bathrooms
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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