I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
