I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
