I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
