guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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