The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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