i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
