I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
