For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
