I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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