Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize