like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize