Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
