and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
