Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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