Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
