I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
