Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
