Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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