I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Man, jail baloney is awful.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
