Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
