So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
