just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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