I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
