Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
