ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
My liver just had a heart attack.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
