At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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