dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
