Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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