he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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