My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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