I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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