Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize