My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You are the jesus of drinking
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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