my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
