Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
