Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
