Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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