I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
