Do you still have your period?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
he fucked my hip out of place.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
