i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
