I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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