toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
