Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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