so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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