BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
You're like the curious george of whores
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
