So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
