someone get that fucking seahorse.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
