And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I touched a dick in church today
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