why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
