I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I currently don't understand fingers.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
