and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize