i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
