.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
