Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
