If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
We were destined to go to rehab together
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
