from now on my penis is your penis
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
