Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
