there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
