Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
How drunk are you?
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