I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
