What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
