Umm I'm too high to move.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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