I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I came so hard my ears popped.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
