The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
