Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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