Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
