maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
