Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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