New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Ketchup is God's man juice
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
