You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Randomize
