I hate your face
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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