Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
