Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
